Saturday, April 18, 2020

Your Car is a Bard

After my last article introducing my vehicle generation rules, I got into a discussion with Varya  who showed me a post-apocalyptic vehicle generator they made.  

Compared to my rules, Varya's generator is faster, doesn't quite give you all the stats you need, but also offers a tremendous variety of really cool flavor details that mine doesn't.  The best part, we both agreed, is that some of the cars it produces come with specific music loaded into them so you can blast some rock and roll during your chase scenes.  

As tends to happen, that got me thinking.  The game I'm working on won't include bards as a character class...but what if the car itself was the bard?



Once, long ago, there were a group of musician-sorcerers called bards.  It is said that they could entrance entire crowds with their magical songs, driving people into fits of rage, inspiring them to love, or sending them into the darkest depths of despair with only their voices and their guitars.  

But sometime, somehow, somebody killed them all off.  Nobody knows how, but bards haven't been seen in centuries.  

Except...they're not entirely gone.  The souls of some bards were captured, bound into vehicles.  The tortured souls of these bards were made to perform their magic for their twisted owners.  Using CDs imbued with a fraction of their old power, the bards can play once more, the range of their magic now amplified by the power of vehicular stereo system.  

As much pain as they're in, the souls of these bards can bear it.  Anything, just for the chance to play again.  Their repertoire limited by their selection of CDs, they want nothing more than to collect and perform more songs.  They will willingly, if not eagerly, serve any owner who makes an honest effort to gather more CDs for them.

Rules: Bard cars are extremely rare.  Any vehicle has a 1% chance of being a bard car, but obviously more powerful or magically-inclined owners are more likely to have them to raise that chance accordingly.  

When a CD is played, it plays for 10 minutes and affects everyone who can hear it.  With loud enough speakers, this could be everyone for a mile.  Earplugs won't shut out the music unless you're near the edge of the song's effective range.  The music is also audible, but muffled and ineffective, at twice its effective range.  

When a song is played, it plays for 10 minutes, repeating as needed.  If it's a Ramones song, maybe you'll hear it 5 times.  Once started, nothing short of physical damage to the car will stop it early.  Playing a song costs an hour's worth of fuel.  



Cars are just the coolest thing ever.  Fuck walking.  Everyone must make a willpower/wisdom save to get off a vehicle if they’re aboard one, or to not immediately try to get into a vehicle if they’re not in one.  Moving from one vehicle to another is fine.  


Want to be a kung-fu cowboy?  Everybody gets +1 to morale and +2 to saves vs fear.  In addition, people get +2 to rolls for special combat maneuvers like shoving, tripping, grappling etc, as well as called shots.  This only applies to tests made with one’s own body; not with vehicular combat maneuvers.  


This song portends the downfall of the powers that be.  All attacks against leaders and drivers are at +2 to hit, and do an extra d4 damage.  


Everyone who hears this feels the need for speed.  All vehicles receive +2 to their speed modifier.  However, if they fail a speed-based test they must immediately make a handling test to avoid wiping out.  


Magic-users…don’t you just get sick of them?  All non-magical damage inflicted on spell casters and magical beings by people with no magical abilities is doubled.  


Grief has a strange way of turning into admiration.  When a group would have to make a morale test due to suffering casualties, they instead make a new reaction roll.  This can result in them suddenly being friendly to the people who just killed their friend.  It applies to player characters too just as if they were NPCs.  


Those who hear the ballad of Montsegur will neither retreat, nor parlay, nor compromise.  They will fight until their fortresses are torn to the ground, and burn before they recant.  All damage inflicted on structures is doubled.  Combatants may surrender, but will never switch sides nor recant their views.  


This song turns everyone who hears it into a ninja for a few incredible minutes.  All melee attacks get +2 to hit.  People get advantage on agility-based movement tests such as parkour, climbing, etc.  


This song makes people surrounded by enemies unable to even think of escape.  Anyone who is flanked cannot move.  They can of course try to not be flanked by killing, shoving, or otherwise disabling their attackers.  


Why fear death?  VALHALLA AWAITS!  Anyone who would die for any reason, doesn’t.  Not for a combat round.  They make take one last action, and they suffer no penalties for any injury short of having libs completely severed.    


Everyone who hears this song loses all skill with weapons, but attacks with their bare hands became as strong as a bear’s.  All weapon damage is one die size smaller.  All unarmed damage is to die sizes larger.  


Nobody cares what anyone thinks of them under the influence of this song.  People must make a willpower/wisdom save to resist doing exactly what they want to do– like fleeing, striking someone who insults them, etc- regardless of the consequences or who is watching.  


THE LOUDER THE BETTER!  All speech is magnified at least tenfold.  People who yell can be heard nearly a mile away, even over the song itself.  Normal speech is intelligible hundreds of feet away.  Even a whisper carries at least a few tens of feet.  Combatants will frequently hear each other’s plans.  In the interest of fairness, some of the player’s strategizing should be treated as in-character, within reason.  


Pain is amplified under the effects of this song.  Anyone who takes damage or would otherwise suffer pain must past a willpower/wisdom save or save vs paralysis, or be incapacitated, screaming with pain.  The save can be repeated each round to end the effect.  


There’s always more killing to be done.  This song makes the listener cynical about death; they get no joy from killing, but do it with a sense of grim resignation. Anyone who kills or incapacitates an enemy can immediately make another attack against a different enemy.  


The devil is never far behind. All demons get an extra hit die.  Rolls to summon demons are made at advantage,  Rolls to banish or control them are made at disadvantage.  


You know what everyone likes?  Treasure.  People who hear this song must succeed on a willpower save to not pursue the most valuable treasure (excluding anything already possessed by their allies) on any given round.  


This song really makes you appreciate the high ground.  All attacks from above deal an extra d6 damage.  


You can do anything, as long as you have God on your side.  Each side in a combat automatically ignores the first failed morale/loyalty check.  Additionally, commanding underlings to perform dangerous or unethical actions, like making a suicide attack or executing prisoners, does not force an automatic morale check as it normally would.  People who perform such actions may suffer from crushing guilt afterward, possibly inflicting a mental disorder \.   


Everyone driving or on foot must succeed on a willpower/wisdom test to not move as fast and as far as they can, every round, whether they need to or not.  


Under the effects of this song, people become aware of just how many options they truly have.  Players who can’t decide what to do may ask the referee for help; the referee must suggest one idea that has not yet been voiced by anyone.  NPCs should be played as being more creative and unpredictable than usual.  


All tests involving jumping succeed automatically.  The maximum distance, both horizontal and vertical, that anyone can jump is doubled.  


Just because the woods are deep, doesn’t mean they have to be dense.  All tight terrain is treated as rough terrain and all rough terrain as open terrain, for purpose of both travel speed and driving tests.  This doesn’t actually let vehicles fit anywhere they couldn’t fit.  


This song fills listeners with wanderlust.  All vehicles receive a +1 speed modifier. Outside of combat, travel speeds are increased by 20%.  


Nothing is impressive to one who hears this song.  No deed is worthy of respect or reward.  No bounties can be collected for kills made while this song was playing.  No XP is earned, no positive reputation gained for actions performed during this song.  


Listeners are filled with an intense sense of loneliness.  Radio communications don’t work, nor does any sort of magical or psychic communication with a range of over a hundred feet.  Being loud, like with a megaphone, still works fine.  

27-30: I’m out of ideas.  Fill these out with songs you like to make it an even thirty.  Or go for fifty if you feel up to it.  

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